![]() Selective manipulation can center on one recurring issue, and it can be annoying but innocuous. ![]() There’s certainly a broad spectrum of experiences. ![]() Sometimes it comes on quickly as control and intimidation, but other times partners notice an asymmetrical combo of lies, guilt trips, omissions, denials, rationalizations, or passive aggression strung together over time. While manipulation tactics are similar in every setting, there is no one-size-fits all approach to what it might look like in a romantic relationship. In such cases, the victim’s family and friends may be unwitting pawns in a psychological game the manipulator is trying to win. Instead, it’s manipulation when those side conversations put up a smoke screen, increase in-fighting, or worsen isolation. If it were a positive gesture, it would end in more fun outings or a wider social circle for both partners in the couple. She says manipulators may reach out to loved ones or close friends without telling their partner. “Watch for ingratiating behaviors or other attempts to be seen in a favorable light, as this is often a deliberate attempt to drive more isolation between the victim and their support system by creating the illusion of doubt.” She offers an example: “The first person to write ‘Happy birthday!’ on your grandmother’s social media page can’t be a manipulative or abusive person, right? Wrong! Impression management is a daily endeavor for the manipulator, who works hard to make others like them as a shield.” Balestrieri cautions that it’s not just the bad traits we need to keep an eye out for.
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